Connected While Apart
What We Love
Already?
Dear Mayfield,
The photo above might make you wonder if I am trying to compete with retailers for rolling out all things Christmas as early as possible. Actually, that is not what this photo is about. I have a friend whose family is divided among several states in the middle of the country, all adjacent to one another, and several states in the Northeast, also all adjacent to one another. A portion of her Northeastern family made a recent swing through the midwestern states to visit with family they hadn’t seen for awhile and family they won’t be spending any holiday time with this year. They traveled as safely as possible in an RV and connected with their people in Illinois masked and outside. Fortunately, the weather easily allowed that. Back in September, my friend, who has a challenging essential worker job, spent a day, weeks before their arrival, wrapping Christmas presents, several birthday presents, and a wedding present. At one level, this was a very pragmatic thing to do. Imagine the shipping costs for the pile of presents pictured above. But that was a secondary reason for her to do the wrapping so early. She did indeed plan on sending the gifts to their recipients via the RV. More importantly, at the end of a very demanding work week, she got out the wrapping paper because she loves to wrap gifts. Those of us who receive them routinely receive lovely packages. Wrapping gifts at that point made her happy when happiness was in short supply. And she had the added benefit of being able to enjoy them visually in her home for weeks before they would be packed up for their trip eastward.
There is a practice I often introduce in programs and retreats I lead on self-care, balance, sabbath, or spiritual well being. I call it the 100 Things List. I invite participants to set aside the time, get comfortable, and make a list of 100 things they love. Those things could be as silly as hot dogs or glitter or as tender as family members and important dates on the calendar. People are encouraged to remember places, tastes, smells, memories, people, objects, times of year, particular dates — anyone or anything that brings them joy. These lists are best made by hand, old fashioned paper and pen. When the list is done and dated at the top, the next step is to make several copies of it, to place in a desk drawer, the glove box of the car, a briefcase, totebag, or purse that is commonly used, anyplace where the list can be quickly retrieved. When a day is difficult or the pressure of this time is building up, I remind people to pull out their list and take a look at it. Studies have been done that show that focusing even briefly on what is delightful for us can help us to reset our frame of mind and widen our perspective if life has backed us in a corner. The advanced version of this exercise is to do it a couple of times a year for several years. Setting lists side by side that stretch over multiple years is very revealing about who we are and what we treasure.
Could you imagine creating a list like that right now? If not, do be attentive to what brims with pleasure for you. That attention can balance all that is hard and painfully limiting in the present tense. What we love has a way of bringing on a smile and even opening our hearts to sing.
Peace, Martha
P.S.– don’t forget to send me any names you have for the memorial list for our 11.1.20 service. The names of those who have died since 11.1.19 and their relationship to you will be appreciated. Names are needed by Thursday 10.29.20. Thank you.